I Overcame!
Read this if you experience anxiety. One thing nobody knows about me is that I deal with anxiety. And it gets rough some days. You know, the world normalizes it- even to the point where I feel like some people brag about having it or use the word too lightly. I don't know about you but anxiety drives me crazy. I could not and will not live the rest of my life overthinking every. single. thing, worrying, and having little faith. But before I tell you about my life changing day I just want to go into a little bit of detail about what I go through in a day:
The main thing you deal with when you have anxiety is that your mind doesn't stop thinking. I know what you're thinking... "Well duh your mind doesn't stop thinking." No. I mean I'm thinking about multiple things at one time and making up different scenarios in my head about them. I convince myself things even though it's 9/10 the furthest from the truth. I worry about things ALL DAY that shouldn't even be worried about. Don't get worry and anxiousness confused. Everybody worries here and there. But anxiety is having a CONSTANT emotion of worry. It doesn't stop. I'm in a constant state of unease. I'm always thinking about what could go wrong or what is going wrong. I'm unbearably cautious about everything I do and say. At the same exact time of all this, I know that I'm just thinking too deep and it's just anxiety on another level but my mind still won't stop going. I'll give you a real life example to help you understand. Okay, the day before yesterday I was thinking about a situation that had happened over a week ago. I ended a friendship. Big deal, womp womp, right? I was thinking to myself was it something I did? I then began to think of specific memories, breaking them down piece by piece. Then, I convinced myself that now she'll be sending my posts in a separate group chat. Now I have to watch what I post. What if she blocked me and is talking bad about me? I went five minutes criticizing myself in my head. My heart was beating fast like it always does when I start overthinking. Y'ALL... over an ended friendship. Mind you, these thoughts are all going on at the same time. Now I'm praying for God to send me good, genuine friends. Then, I started to think of my relationships with my other friends. And then my relationship with my mom and boyfriend. And then, I scared myself into thinking I'm about to lose everybody around me because of myself. I literally had a mini panic attack because I was overthinking about something that happened a week ago. How that lead to me thinking people were just gonna up and leave? Can't tell you.
Thing is, it's never that deep.
And I know that. But that is what anxiety does to me. And I go through this at least once a day. Maybe not as deep as me having a 5 second heart attack, but as far as the overthinking, yes, every day.
I can never live in the moment because I'm too worried about x,y,z. It got progressively worse over the past 2 years that now I'm constantly walking on eggshells around anyone, watching what I say or do, because I don't want to sound or look stupid. But you want to know what makes you look more stupid than doing or saying something stupid? Saying nothing at all and staring out into space because you're thinking about how to not sound stupid. Or when you finally say something, you're stuttering. My boyfriend notices it a lot. He's always asking if I'm good, and I give him the same response every time. "Yeah I was just thinking about something. My bad were you trying to tell me something?" Y'all, I do this a lot. I never tell him whats really going on because I don't want him to think I'm going crazy and I don't have time to explain all of that. He probably won't think I'm crazy at all but you know how anxiety goes and all. He knows I have anxiety but doesn't know the extent of it. You feel? Well, he does now. Hey boo if you're reading this! 💛 Even when I had to present in class I would never show up. I would've rather taken an F and bring my grade down from an A to a D than go present in front of the class. Nah, I wasn't doing it. My friends from college can vouch for that one.
After yesterday I realized three things: how much I've missed out on even when I was there because I wasn't' really THERE, how much I'm NOT forgetful like I thought I was (I was just zoned out by my clouded mind and didn't hear what someone was saying to me, where I put something down, or too busy thinking instead of actually being wherever I was), and how bad anxiety held me back. From everything. Being myself, performing at my best, and going after my purpose in life. Anxiety took 2 and a half years away from me. Imagine that. Thank God for that church service yesterday because I walked out of there a new person. I felt like myself again. I was free.
Once you know who you are in Christ and you begin to stand on His promise to you, then you understand you have nothing to be anxious about. He tells us to "be anxious about nothing. Instead, through prayer and petition through thanksgiving, tell your request to God and the peace of God will guard our hearts and MIND." Philippians 4:6-8. Amen. Lay it all on him and he will take care of the rest. Take those negative thoughts captive as soon as they come. It's normal to think a lot, but when it's all negative then that's when you stop and think of good things. Turn them into pure, good, and righteous thoughts. Stand on the truth! What is the truth? Whatever the bible tells us or whatever God told you. You will not be addicted anymore, you will not be like your parents, you will not fail that test, you will not never find a job, you will not never discover your purpose, you will not stay unhealthy, you do not need everything to be perfect before you start your business. That is not your truth. God will take care of it. Matter of fact, its already taken care of. He made you according to His purpose. Think about that. You are loved and cared for. He chose ME. And YOU. We're precious to him. You don't need validity from anybody else. Not your parents, friends, bf/gf, or social media. Tell yourself that over and over until you're walking in that truth. HOW BOUT DET devil. The preacher gave us 10 seconds to request anything we desire from God and to just pray. 10 seconds. I immediately asked for two things. I shouted out "God take my anxiety away. I don't want to worry anymore. I want my mind back." When you have to pray about an emotion that's bad. My other request was more personal, so I'm gonna leave that between me and Jesus. When that 10 seconds was over I felt like I could feel something taking something out of me. Like God literally came down from heaven himself and took it out of me. I'm not exaggerating. It was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. I had the biggest smile on my face. A weight was lifted immediately. I felt GOOD. And let me just add this. I have never stood up in church during praise and worship. I didn't care if I was the only person sitting down or not. I didn't want everybody staring at me. But what anxiety didn't tell me is that I'm gonna draw more attention to myself by not standing up. Crazy. That entire church service I was up. Praising, talking, engaging, hugging people, loving God. Thanking him. Unashamed. In awe. List goes on. Man, God was working on me yesterday. He was on a mission Sunday. I must say church was powerful for both me and my boyfriend.
Let me give you a brief summary of his little experience, too. I didn't know this when we walked out of church, but he exposed to me what his request was unto God during that 10 seconds after he looked at his phone with a shocked look on his face. He said he asked for a "financial blessing" because he had no clue what to ask for so why not money? The pastor said, "I want some of y'all to check your phone when you leave out of here because God is gone do something for you today." With so much confidence, too. We weren't thinking anything of it. Jovani pulls his phone out as we're walking out of church... He had a notification on his phone from the Cash App. He had a good amount of money available in his Cash App from his Uncle and his Uncle told him to be expecting more tomorrow. I got goosebumps. You cannot tell me God isn't real!!! Sorry. THERE IS A LIVING GOD. Okay!?
God's Plan.
Anyway, the whole day I didn't think not one negative thought. Today, so far, either. Rarely did I think. I was just doing. Living. Genuinely enjoying my day. It felt so good to be. I love my God. I don't want anyone to read this and think I wasn't/haven't been okay. I've been great lately, it's just a mind thing. I'm happy most of the time. Anxiety was just stealing my joy. Happiness and joy are different. But hey, ya girl is back.
Take back control over your mind and life! I don't believe in taking medicine for things like this or seeing a psychologist. What are you worrying for? Just pray. Ask God to deliver you from it. Fill your mind up with his word to reassure you everyday. The enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy. Anxiety is one of his most popular tactics in this age. He knows he can't stop what God has already written down for YOU, but he knows if he can just get a hold of your mind and lead you in the opposite direction then he can delayed the process. Your mind is powerful. Use it for goodness.
The devil is already defeated, boo.
Think good things. Be good.
Shine baby 💫
The main thing you deal with when you have anxiety is that your mind doesn't stop thinking. I know what you're thinking... "Well duh your mind doesn't stop thinking." No. I mean I'm thinking about multiple things at one time and making up different scenarios in my head about them. I convince myself things even though it's 9/10 the furthest from the truth. I worry about things ALL DAY that shouldn't even be worried about. Don't get worry and anxiousness confused. Everybody worries here and there. But anxiety is having a CONSTANT emotion of worry. It doesn't stop. I'm in a constant state of unease. I'm always thinking about what could go wrong or what is going wrong. I'm unbearably cautious about everything I do and say. At the same exact time of all this, I know that I'm just thinking too deep and it's just anxiety on another level but my mind still won't stop going. I'll give you a real life example to help you understand. Okay, the day before yesterday I was thinking about a situation that had happened over a week ago. I ended a friendship. Big deal, womp womp, right? I was thinking to myself was it something I did? I then began to think of specific memories, breaking them down piece by piece. Then, I convinced myself that now she'll be sending my posts in a separate group chat. Now I have to watch what I post. What if she blocked me and is talking bad about me? I went five minutes criticizing myself in my head. My heart was beating fast like it always does when I start overthinking. Y'ALL... over an ended friendship. Mind you, these thoughts are all going on at the same time. Now I'm praying for God to send me good, genuine friends. Then, I started to think of my relationships with my other friends. And then my relationship with my mom and boyfriend. And then, I scared myself into thinking I'm about to lose everybody around me because of myself. I literally had a mini panic attack because I was overthinking about something that happened a week ago. How that lead to me thinking people were just gonna up and leave? Can't tell you.
Thing is, it's never that deep.
And I know that. But that is what anxiety does to me. And I go through this at least once a day. Maybe not as deep as me having a 5 second heart attack, but as far as the overthinking, yes, every day.
I can never live in the moment because I'm too worried about x,y,z. It got progressively worse over the past 2 years that now I'm constantly walking on eggshells around anyone, watching what I say or do, because I don't want to sound or look stupid. But you want to know what makes you look more stupid than doing or saying something stupid? Saying nothing at all and staring out into space because you're thinking about how to not sound stupid. Or when you finally say something, you're stuttering. My boyfriend notices it a lot. He's always asking if I'm good, and I give him the same response every time. "Yeah I was just thinking about something. My bad were you trying to tell me something?" Y'all, I do this a lot. I never tell him whats really going on because I don't want him to think I'm going crazy and I don't have time to explain all of that. He probably won't think I'm crazy at all but you know how anxiety goes and all. He knows I have anxiety but doesn't know the extent of it. You feel? Well, he does now. Hey boo if you're reading this! 💛 Even when I had to present in class I would never show up. I would've rather taken an F and bring my grade down from an A to a D than go present in front of the class. Nah, I wasn't doing it. My friends from college can vouch for that one.
After yesterday I realized three things: how much I've missed out on even when I was there because I wasn't' really THERE, how much I'm NOT forgetful like I thought I was (I was just zoned out by my clouded mind and didn't hear what someone was saying to me, where I put something down, or too busy thinking instead of actually being wherever I was), and how bad anxiety held me back. From everything. Being myself, performing at my best, and going after my purpose in life. Anxiety took 2 and a half years away from me. Imagine that. Thank God for that church service yesterday because I walked out of there a new person. I felt like myself again. I was free.
Once you know who you are in Christ and you begin to stand on His promise to you, then you understand you have nothing to be anxious about. He tells us to "be anxious about nothing. Instead, through prayer and petition through thanksgiving, tell your request to God and the peace of God will guard our hearts and MIND." Philippians 4:6-8. Amen. Lay it all on him and he will take care of the rest. Take those negative thoughts captive as soon as they come. It's normal to think a lot, but when it's all negative then that's when you stop and think of good things. Turn them into pure, good, and righteous thoughts. Stand on the truth! What is the truth? Whatever the bible tells us or whatever God told you. You will not be addicted anymore, you will not be like your parents, you will not fail that test, you will not never find a job, you will not never discover your purpose, you will not stay unhealthy, you do not need everything to be perfect before you start your business. That is not your truth. God will take care of it. Matter of fact, its already taken care of. He made you according to His purpose. Think about that. You are loved and cared for. He chose ME. And YOU. We're precious to him. You don't need validity from anybody else. Not your parents, friends, bf/gf, or social media. Tell yourself that over and over until you're walking in that truth. HOW BOUT DET devil. The preacher gave us 10 seconds to request anything we desire from God and to just pray. 10 seconds. I immediately asked for two things. I shouted out "God take my anxiety away. I don't want to worry anymore. I want my mind back." When you have to pray about an emotion that's bad. My other request was more personal, so I'm gonna leave that between me and Jesus. When that 10 seconds was over I felt like I could feel something taking something out of me. Like God literally came down from heaven himself and took it out of me. I'm not exaggerating. It was the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. I had the biggest smile on my face. A weight was lifted immediately. I felt GOOD. And let me just add this. I have never stood up in church during praise and worship. I didn't care if I was the only person sitting down or not. I didn't want everybody staring at me. But what anxiety didn't tell me is that I'm gonna draw more attention to myself by not standing up. Crazy. That entire church service I was up. Praising, talking, engaging, hugging people, loving God. Thanking him. Unashamed. In awe. List goes on. Man, God was working on me yesterday. He was on a mission Sunday. I must say church was powerful for both me and my boyfriend.
Let me give you a brief summary of his little experience, too. I didn't know this when we walked out of church, but he exposed to me what his request was unto God during that 10 seconds after he looked at his phone with a shocked look on his face. He said he asked for a "financial blessing" because he had no clue what to ask for so why not money? The pastor said, "I want some of y'all to check your phone when you leave out of here because God is gone do something for you today." With so much confidence, too. We weren't thinking anything of it. Jovani pulls his phone out as we're walking out of church... He had a notification on his phone from the Cash App. He had a good amount of money available in his Cash App from his Uncle and his Uncle told him to be expecting more tomorrow. I got goosebumps. You cannot tell me God isn't real!!! Sorry. THERE IS A LIVING GOD. Okay!?
God's Plan.
Anyway, the whole day I didn't think not one negative thought. Today, so far, either. Rarely did I think. I was just doing. Living. Genuinely enjoying my day. It felt so good to be. I love my God. I don't want anyone to read this and think I wasn't/haven't been okay. I've been great lately, it's just a mind thing. I'm happy most of the time. Anxiety was just stealing my joy. Happiness and joy are different. But hey, ya girl is back.
Take back control over your mind and life! I don't believe in taking medicine for things like this or seeing a psychologist. What are you worrying for? Just pray. Ask God to deliver you from it. Fill your mind up with his word to reassure you everyday. The enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy. Anxiety is one of his most popular tactics in this age. He knows he can't stop what God has already written down for YOU, but he knows if he can just get a hold of your mind and lead you in the opposite direction then he can delayed the process. Your mind is powerful. Use it for goodness.
The devil is already defeated, boo.
Think good things. Be good.
Shine baby 💫
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