Seasons

Sorry I've been gone. Lately I've been in a weird head space. I can't really put my finger on what the purpose of this season I'm in is and it's frustrating. I just feel stagnant.

Well, no. Let me say it this way, because I just thought of the reason as I'm typing this (it's crazy how answers and thoughts come to me when I began to write). 

The purpose of this season I'm in is hard work and God is definitely putting me to the test. 

So, I guess what's frustrating is not that I don't know the purpose of this season but more so frustrated because of what the purpose is and I feel like I'm not handling it well or its too overwhelming. I've heard tons of stories about young adults taking on a full time job and going to school. Or even working, going to school, and having a kid while trying to keep up with their health and having a rough past. I was always so inspired by those kinds of stories, but of course it sounds great when it's not you going through it. Now I'm kind of getting a taste of it. Working a full- time job and trying to pursue my dreams and goals full-time is honestly so hard. A lot of people may think like whats so hard about writing blogs and making YouTube videos? Some may even think it's lame. There's a lot that goes on behind the scene. The design of my blog itself took weeks believe it or not. I'm changing and growing everyday, too, so my blog changes as I do. Same with YouTube videos. Planning, editing, and creating takes days. I only get two days off, and the days I do work are 9-10 hour shifts so I feel like I have no time to do anything. Which leads me into something else I wanted to talk about.

I feel like I'm not doing enough or the right thing. As I re-read this I feel like I sound like I'm complaining about something that so many adults have been doing for 20+ years. Like, why am I complaining and it could be so much harder? I'm constantly stuck between I'm doing too much and I'm not doing enough. I literally want to quit my job everyday and just focus on my content, but then I'd be broke. My job is what supports my dreams, and I guess that's some kind of motivation to stick it out. Plus, its a good job money wise. 

And here's the gag: I prayed for this. 

I prayed that He bless me with a good paying job and the confidence to carry out God's plan for my life. I prayed for a season of me learning how to work hard and binding the spirit of laziness I have in me. He gave me just that. God's word says that he wouldn't put you through anything you can't handle. There is no storm too big for God, especially when he was the one who put you in it. 

That was good. 

There is no storm too big for God, especially when he was the one who put you in it. 

I failed to realize that I am totally capable of handling this. It's tough but this season is needed in order for me to grow. I just watched a sermon yesterday and the pastor said "The devil wouldn't mess with you if you were headed in the same direction he was going in. I've been in ministry for 44 years and I've discovered this: whenever I'm about to hit a big milestone or a great shift/blessing, all hell breaks loose. So whenever all hell breaks loose, instead of crying and complaining I start shouting and worshiping because I know God is about to do something big in my life." That really reminded me of God's tough love for me. I knew there was a reason I wasn't feeling right in this season. It wasn't because I couldn't handle it... it was because I had the wrong attitude about handling it. This season is another testing of my faith. 

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Faith is the assurance of things hoped for but not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Just because I can't see it doesn't mean God is not working things out for the good of me. 

Him giving me what I prayed for proves to me that he trust me with the things he has given me and that I grew spiritually enough to take on this next challenge in my life. With that being said, I'm obviously headed in the right direction and that puts peace in my mind, body, and soul. I know I'll come out of this with a lesson learned and greater wisdom. I'm so young an have so much to learn. 

I just want to encourage you to keep going even when you feel like giving up the most. Have a change of heart and find PURPOSE in your job. Even if you know your purpose and feel like you are loosing yourself, remember what you're doing it for and why you started! I definitely wish I could just do what I love (write blogs, encourage people to love God, travel, YouTube videos) and stop working but my job is what supports all of that. One day, may even be next year, I won't even have to work there anymore. 

What season are you in? Are you in a season of singleness? Isolation? Hard work? Healing? Serving? Ask yourself if you're using your season wisely. Do you know why you're going through what you're going through? Pray about it. Hope this helped someone 💚

-xoxo